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I had brushed it off for a few months now, but I think I have to admit to myself that I'm going through something of an existential crisis. I've dedicated my life to a specific thing and a specific industry in the goals of achieving some big, getting to do creative work with cool people, and not being miserable doing it. Instead, I found that the games industry - or, at least, my role in it - frankly sucks. My job is a dead end, awful pay, zero opportunity to work creatively, entire focused on live service and milking money from players. And for a while, I could kinda lie to myself, say it'd be fine, eventually something better would come along, but that's clearly not happening.
It's been a year since anyone else was interested in interviewing me, and it broke my heart when, as they put it, I was the "silver medalist". So I’m stuck here, trying to make the best of a shitty situation, but finding it’s only getting worse. Around six months ago the company started pushing us all super hard to use AI in everything we do. I'm totally against it, don't use it, and never will. I had thought most of my coworkers would feel the same, but between my boss trying to force it on me and people across the company gleefully turning it into the Thing That Does All Their Thinking, I've lost what little sense of purpose I still had.
I've started branching out in looking for jobs outside games. I think I'd like to work in environmentalism, or something. Maybe even get into politics a little. I'd love to volunteer with the local green-left, but, as I don't speak the local language very well, I don't know if that's possible. I just feel called to do something meaningful, because clearly, what I'm doing isn't filling the hole in my soul that I wanted it to. I don't know that I can sit around and watch data centers destroying the environment in service of infinite profit and not do something.
I may never have a kid, but I want there to be something for the next generation. We're going extinct, and we've gotta try to stop it. I feel torn between total doomerism and the need to stand and fight for a better future.
Maybe I should play Final Fantasy VII again.
It's been a year since anyone else was interested in interviewing me, and it broke my heart when, as they put it, I was the "silver medalist". So I’m stuck here, trying to make the best of a shitty situation, but finding it’s only getting worse. Around six months ago the company started pushing us all super hard to use AI in everything we do. I'm totally against it, don't use it, and never will. I had thought most of my coworkers would feel the same, but between my boss trying to force it on me and people across the company gleefully turning it into the Thing That Does All Their Thinking, I've lost what little sense of purpose I still had.
I've started branching out in looking for jobs outside games. I think I'd like to work in environmentalism, or something. Maybe even get into politics a little. I'd love to volunteer with the local green-left, but, as I don't speak the local language very well, I don't know if that's possible. I just feel called to do something meaningful, because clearly, what I'm doing isn't filling the hole in my soul that I wanted it to. I don't know that I can sit around and watch data centers destroying the environment in service of infinite profit and not do something.
I may never have a kid, but I want there to be something for the next generation. We're going extinct, and we've gotta try to stop it. I feel torn between total doomerism and the need to stand and fight for a better future.
Maybe I should play Final Fantasy VII again.
